Ten months ago, I walked down the aisle and vowed to love and honor him for better or for worse, for rich or for poor.
A few months later, I decided to move out of New York City – a place I’d called home for more than 20 years.
Yes – I’m pulling up my roots out of the Big Apple, and will be settling down in a much more quaint and quiet environment.
“Are you sure you want to move to Watertown?” my husband asked me not just once, but over and over.
“Yes. I know you’re not crazy about New York. I want to be where we both love.” I reassured Ken.
Watertown is just over the border from Cambridge, Massachusetts where we met on Alumni Day at Harvard. We still have many close friends affiliated with the academic community, and we both value lifelong learning through the university.
But Cambridge is a campus town, and I love big cities.
Growing up in Hong Kong while it was a British colony, I was exposed to the complexities of
cosmopolitan living mixing traditional values and philosophy of the East with modern views and practices of the West. I love New York – a metropolis in which everyone comes from somewhere else. Everyone who knows me knows – I love New York.
When I told my family and friends that I are poised to move to a condo in Watertown, they were surprised.
“Watertown? Is that in the countryside?” Are you sure? You’ve lived in New York all your life!?!”
My younger sister in Hong Kong quipped in her Facebook message.
“Watertown? How far away is that from Boston?” My brother, also in Hong Kong, queried in his instant text message.
“What? Mable, you’re going to be a suburban wife?” A longtime girlfriend – a New York fashion designer – sounded bemused.
Yes, I love New York. I’ve lived in the city for more than twenty years and have been surrounded by go-getter city dwellers always moving in fast lanes or in the spotlight.
And yes, I would have stayed in New York if I were single.
But I am no longer single.
Ever since I’ve been married, I see how my lifestyle, work style, my idea of happiness has totally changed.
What makes me happy no longer revolves around my interests or habits.
What makes me happy now involves my husband and me – our family – my new normal.
After more than thirty years as an investment banker on Wall Street and a university professor teaching finance in New York, Ken admits he has city fatigue. When I see him coming home at the end of the day looking crowd-weary after fighting the crush on the subway or the streets, I hurt inside. As a couple, our emotions and energies rub off on each other. What we do and how we feel day to day affect each other’s well-being.
Over time, I realize that our well-being together requires a greener environment that we both can breathe fresher air, walk longer walks, and cook bigger meals in a bigger kitchen!
Our decision to move out of the city didn’t happen over night. It comes after many open-hearted discussions about what’s important to each of us, what we want and how we thrive.
Our candid communication is key to leading us feel comfortable being vulnerable revealing what we need and how best to agree on what’s right for us. We both benefit enormously from listening to and learning from what we makes us tick at this stage in our lives.
Just as we thought we’re ready to move to Watertown – guess what? We are not!
The condominium that we had successfully won the bid against several other potential buyers – got flooded one day when the building’s fire sprinkler standpipe burst. It’s become totally uninhabitable for at least five months. Instead of feeling flustered or frustrated, we both felt a sense of blessing in disguise. We both knew it would have been a huge nightmare if the flooding had happened after we had already closed the deal on this apartment.
Just last month – we found a beautiful 19th century single-family six room house in the heart of Cambridge that’s recently been renovated. I’ve never lived in a house before, but the moment I walked in, I already felt right at home. So did Ken.
It was as if all our previous discussions about why we wanted to move out of the city has prepared us to settle down – not in a condominium in Watertown with views of the Charles River and Boston skyline that resembles the feel of a New York apartment, but in an old American family house.
With a glint in his eyes – Ken asked excitedly – “should we do this?”
Without a doubt, I said Yes!