[On Relationships] “Do you want to ditch him?”

Have you ever met someone who simply doesn’t get it?

You try to ignore his calls, day after day, but he keeps calling.

Well, that’s what happened to me recently.

Perhaps it is my Chinese upbringing, I always try to choose an indirect and subtle way of sending a persistent suitor this message – “I’m sorry, I’m not interested” through a non-response.

However, this proves to be especially tough now when I meet so many people during business-related networking events, and the protocol is meet, greet and exchange business cards with everyone who shows an interest in my media start-up.

Last month during one of many Chinese New Year gala celebrations, I met a doctor/entrepreneur while chatting with a few wine-sipping business investors and financial professionals. After a few glasses of champagne, this medical entrepreneur started steering the conversation to himself, talking about his credentials, his clients, his worldly travels. And just as awkward as this sudden hijacking of our circle of conversations, was his speedy shift of focus from others towards me –

“So, when I am back from Europe, I’m going to call you. And we’ll get together – ok?” Mr. X said.

Somewhat stunned; I smiled politely, “ok.”

I didn’t think too much of it, we were talking in a crowd; I thought that was simply social courtesy. Little did I know; he meant business. He called not once, but numerous times a day for several days in a row after returning to New York from his overseas trip.

Earlier this week, while I was having a meeting with my intern going over details of a research project; my phone rang. I picked it up and saw that same number I suspected belonged to this man…

“Urr…” I bellowed out. As I was staring at the ringing phone, my intern cut in.

“Who is it?” Rachel asked sympathetically.

I looked at Rachel…my lips opened without a word, but my face betrayed a pound of disgust.

Without missing a beat, Rachel blurted out – “Do you want to ditch him?”

“Ha! ” I burst out laughing. “Rachel! How did you know?”

“Do you want to ditch him? Do you want to ditch him?” Rachel shouted again and again.

I was both shocked and delighted first by Rachel’s command of an American idiom – “ditch” – that is not quite my verbiage. Then, she quickly offered a quick fix using modern technology to lose someone in a subtle way – that is indeed my style.

“I know this software – it’s a free apps you can download. You program the number you want to ignore, and it won’t even show up on the other person’s phone that you’d ignored him. It’s easy, you should get it!!”

I was amazed. I was impressed.

You see, Rachel is a foreign student from Shandong, China who’s only been in New York working as my intern for a few weeks. When I first met her last
month, she was very apologetic about her English.

“I want to improve my speaking skills, so I listen to online podcasts, and watch American TV a lot.” Rachel explained.

“Perfect! That’s how I learned American English too!” I replied.

Rachel’s English is comprehensible albeit tentative. Since English is her second language, she always appears rather formal in her speech mannerism, and speaks slowly and carefully. It’s obvious that she wanted to pronounce her words correctly and clearly to make herself understood. Rachel had never used an American slang or idiom with me during her two week internship, so her impromptu “Do you want to ditch him?” came out as a delightful surprise!

Her total command and comfort with that line not only cracked me up, but immediately changed the quality and tenure of my relationship with her. Strangely but almost immediately; I felt closer to her. In that instant, I didn’t see her as my intern, but as a friend. It’s funny how an unexpected use of an idiom, well-timed, well-delivered, can instantly change the feel of a relationship.